Sunday, June 8, 2008

Things I'll never do (part threesie)

Dress my child up in resort wear. I'm not talking about a Yellowstone t-shirt or Mickey Mouse ears or even those Florida t-shirts you buy at CVS that look like mu-mus on little kids. That would be forgiveable. I'm talking about Ritz-Carlton and Club Med t-shirts. You might as well just hire the local bully to beat up your kid or tape a sign to his back reading 'My parents go on vacation and yours don't please kick my butt'. I know. I speak from personal experience. 5th grade. Manvel (Tx) Elementary gym. Where you had to change clothes for P.E. and shower. Naked. In front of other fifth-graders. *shudder* There I was, standing in the gym, minding my own business in a white Club Med t-shirt and some navy blue terry cloth gym shorts as children played dodgeball or spread eagle or shot hoops around me when some kid (I have no idea who he was...and I'm fairly confident he had no idea who I was at the time, either) just strolled up and punched me square in the chest, knocking the wind from my lungs, sending me to my knees on the squeaky wood gym floor, gasping for air. All he said to me was, "Club Meat!" then wham! Sadly, I remember the entire episode as though it happened yesterday.

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