Friday, January 30, 2009
**note his "administrative assistant" taking his calls and his tres relaxed Friday office attire
**please excuse the extreme close-up of my fab pedi in the foreground and the mess of a studio/office/toy/nonsense in the background.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
To most, if not all of you, this should sound like good news, right? And I couldn't agree more that there is nothing better to restore one's sanity or recharge one's depleted batteries than a good night's sleep.
But, on some level, I am missing sitting with Sam in the middle of the night. Sometimes, I think I benefit from holding and rocking him as much as he may benefit from being cradled after a bad dream or upset stomach.
In a day and age when every bit of news on CNN or NPR is bad news and every second of the work day is filled with pessimism and negativity, sometimes I just need to 'defrag'. In computer-speak, defragging your hard drive is something that should be done on occasion. It is a program that rearranges the physical layout of files on the hard drive so as to improve performance and overall efficiency. I like to think it also cleans the gunk out of the system. Sitting with the Sam in the middle of the night has the same effect on my brain.
I am not a super-hero, and there are many a 4:30 a.m. when looking at his black hole, saucer-like eyes staring back up at me refusing sleep is incredibly, viscerally painful. But after days filled with frustration and professional impotence, it is helpful to remind myself that the frustration I am feeling now is, too, transient, and that this point in history will mean about as much to Sam as the 1973 oil embargo means to me. Which is to say, not much.
In the meantime, sleep, Sil Sil Wil, and I will see you at 4:30.
Monday, January 26, 2009
On an evening, after the day that I had today with the endless whining of my tiny person, I take a glimpse at a face like this
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Traveled down the road and back again
Your heart is true you're a pal and a confidant.
And if you threw a party
Invited everyone you ever knew
You would see the biggest gift would be from me
And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend.
I love you, Husband :)
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
I give you, an inaugural morning in photos:
skinny vanilla inauguralatte
Sam called a few of his people together for an inaugural luncheon where he clapped when the crowd clapped (and then pulled off Mr. Potato Head's nose, I think maybe, just maybe, they were celebrating. not sayin'....just sayin')
Sunday, January 18, 2009
--from "Orthodoxy", G. K. Chesterton
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I come from a family that is never shy of communication, I've never understood how people could come together and not communicate, just sit and be, I still don't. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about words, I'm talking about the wordless moments, the sparks that are flying when the world is quiet. When nothing and everything is being said in silence. These moments are often, I'm learning, the best.
Communication is so intimate, warm and vital, like chocolate, I crave it, I think we all do.Babies start to communicate before they ever make a sound, they have to, and though subtle, I've learned to listen, watch and feel.
Late one night we sat in the small rocking chair in Sam's room. He woke up afraid or lonely or just startled from a dream, so I sat with him, blinking and blinking trying to not rock myself to sleep instead of the wide-eyed baby in my arms. Sam often rubs his satin bordered blanket on his cheek to sooth himself to sleep. A moment later I felt a cool satin corner of his blanket rubbing back and forth on my cheek while he lay wide awake staring at me in the dark.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
I could have been, was or could still someday become an artist or writer or psychologist or restaurant manager. I choose to be a commercial real estate developer. For now. I swim, cycle and run. I like to rock climb and climb mountains and look down on people from great heights, but am stuck in the flattest place in the Western Hemisphere. I truly feel that I am a jack of all trades though master of none. I feel as though I was an 'okay' artist, am 'just an okay' writer, was 'just an okay' swimmer and triathlete and 'just an okay' runner, and I know with these twigs for arms I would be 'just an okay' rock climber, as well.
I won't go so far as to say that I feel I failed as a writer and failed in business. Though it feels like that somedays. That all being said, I think I am a pretty good at being 'Dad'. Not just a dad or any dad, but being Sam's Dad. I am not perfect. I don't really know what I'm doing most of the time. But I like it. After a frustrating day at the office (I very literally have not had a deal work in my favor in over 2 years...Deziel, no. Verizon, no. Goddard, no. Burger King, Wendy's, Taco Bell, Publix, no no no no. Anyone else would've thrown in the towel long ago. I must truly be a glutton for punishment), the only thing that keeps me going is being Hewie and Dad and knowing these people count on me. I just wish being Dad paid better so I could quit! :)
paul & sam outside the Tucson MOMA
someone taught my son to do "touchdown" those of you who know my ahem love ahem for football, I would like to thank you, errr smack you! :)
the boys wait patiently while the girls shop for Indian jewelry at the mission
Paul, Celeste and Sam in the chapel at the Degrazia gallery.
a long journey home, and a makeshift airport bed
Please check out my photography blog for more photos from our trip.