Defragging

Sam slept all night for the last two nights in a row. (yes, I realize I just jinxed ourselves :)

To most, if not all of you, this should sound like good news, right? And I couldn't agree more that there is nothing better to restore one's sanity or recharge one's depleted batteries than a good night's sleep.

But, on some level, I am missing sitting with Sam in the middle of the night. Sometimes, I think I benefit from holding and rocking him as much as he may benefit from being cradled after a bad dream or upset stomach.

In a day and age when every bit of news on CNN or NPR is bad news and every second of the work day is filled with pessimism and negativity, sometimes I just need to 'defrag'. In computer-speak, defragging your hard drive is something that should be done on occasion. It is a program that rearranges the physical layout of files on the hard drive so as to improve performance and overall efficiency. I like to think it also cleans the gunk out of the system. Sitting with the Sam in the middle of the night has the same effect on my brain.

I am not a super-hero, and there are many a 4:30 a.m. when looking at his black hole, saucer-like eyes staring back up at me refusing sleep is incredibly, viscerally painful. But after days filled with frustration and professional impotence, it is helpful to remind myself that the frustration I am feeling now is, too, transient, and that this point in history will mean about as much to Sam as the 1973 oil embargo means to me. Which is to say, not much.

In the meantime, sleep, Sil Sil Wil, and I will see you at 4:30.