Stay-At-Home Dad

I'm starting a new job at the end of the month. My old job offered incredible freedom, very lax hours and the ability to leave for any reason at any time, even work from home (which, honestly, didn't work very well unless Sam and I were walking around the neighborhood, in which case I could very easily negotiate multimillion dollar commercial real estate transactions over the phone or email in baseball cap and shorts while chasing a soccer ball around a putting green).

Unfortunately, starting eighteen months ago, there were no multimillion dollar commercial real estate transactions to negotiate any longer. And stepping away from my desk forced me to assess the big picture and come to a cruel realization...the job I had for the last 10 years simply vanished and may never return (at least to the S. Florida marketplace). You might think I would mourn this loss, but I didn't. It was liberating (I wasn't that crazy about the job in the first place and I really wasn't very good at it). Just wish the epiphany could have come with a severance package.

I stopped going to the office after Peter was born. My paternity leave turned into an extended vacation which turned into a sabbatical. As I've written here before, Elise wondered aloud when I was going to go back to my office, but I knew then there was no reason to and I decided, for better or worse, to stay at home to be with her and Pete and Sam, figuring as long as I wasn't making any money I might as well be around my family and be of some use. It was like the scene out of 'Office Space' where Jennifer Aniston asks Ron Livingstone if he quit and he replys, "No, I just stopped going." If I couldn't be a good commercial real estate broker, I could at least be a good husband and dad.

Now, I am one of the fortunate few who found a new job. As I still hear tales on NPR of how bad some have it, I feel incredibly lucky. The only thing is my new job doesn't offer incredible freedom, very lax hours or, I doubt, the ability to leave the office for any reason at any time without having to answer to anyone. Sigh. I guess this is how the rest of the world works, huh?

The past two days, Elise has been running a hundred errands in preparation for our big move. I find myself at home a lot with the 2 guys. I love it, though I won't pretend it's easy to stay patient as Sam maneuvers into reading position simultaneously kicking Pete in the head as Pete is trying to take a nap nor is it easy to do dishes, wash sippy cups, make breakfast, read stories (I make them up when I have my hands full which seems to mollify Sam), get myself a cup of coffee and pay bills all at the same time. I have a real appreciation for what Elise deals with on a daily basis. I find, though, that I could totally be a stay-at-home dad. I just now realized I haven't left the house in almost 3 days.

We are committed to our current trajectory and still believe it offers our family the best opportunity to, not only survive, but thrive. But having to take a step away from all the paperwork, research and prep gives me a chance to ponder the what-ifs. What-if we did stay here? What if I stayed home and let Elise work? (not that she isn't already booking two shoots a week and staying up past midnight editing photos) Grow EHP? (Though I don't doubt it will continue to sprout regardless of where it is planted) Maybe I would wait tables at night for extra cash? Could I...would I have been happy? I know the answer. Yes. Would I make money? I don't know. We'd find a way.

I don't doubt that we made the right decision....or that I would be a GREAT stay-at-home dad. Who knows....maybe when Elise is famous one day, her prints hanging in a gallery in the West Village, her work on the cover of Marie Claire, I will get to find out! (ps we would need a maid, though. I still don't like to clean)