Like the best things always will, the greatest bits of Brazil are hanging on.
Leaving Brazil was a little like giving birth, for the days and weeks that followed it was so vivid and fresh in my mind. For a while it was all I could talk about. Then I couldn't talk about it at all. Now I find myself dipping my toes into the waters of my Instagram feed, thumbing through thousands of photos and there it is, the beauty that is left of our two years in Brazil. All the colors of all our times, good and bad blended into one awesome sunset that leaves me blurry eyed and nostalgic.
It seems that somewhere along the road I've begun to forget the less that perfect moments. The very same moments that feel hard to escape day-to-day here. Of course I didn't intentionally not photograph the bad times because it is something I want to hide, it just usually involved screaming babies, blood, homesickness, mercilessly begging for a burger from Red Robin and filling my virtual shopping cart at Nordstrom with $3,000 worth of clothes and shoes and threatening to press "confirm purchase" while Paul talked me down from my ledge. Moments, that even now don't really matter.
But like the months wash away the vivid feelings, both emotional and physical of the birth of one of your children, with a little time it all gets a bit foggy and the pain mixes with the elation, the blue sky with the orange and the red.
Then you see something that reminds you of a certain moment, a smell or a memory and suddenly it is all so fresh again.
We talk about it every day, now that is, that I've come to learn that it is good. It helps us all to cope and it helps us each of us to know that we're all thinking about it, missing it and that it is very normal. The boys ask how long we were there, when we're going back, even though they know we aren't, not just yet anyway. They are beginning to grasp time and understand the reasons and the patterns of change in our lives. They know we can go back someday and they are as excited as we are at the prospect.
Overall we are all getting excited about India. As Paul plants seeds of Tamil in our subconscious, the boys have begun to ask more questions about India. They usually cover the things that are most important to them. Today Pete asked me if when we get to India, I will be a princess. Naturally, I responded, "yes." Sam asks if there are trains there and I ask if there will be shopping.
I know it won't be easy, the beginning never is, and even some points in between, but with Brazil under our belts and in our hearts we know at least that the good will prevail. Someday the sunsets of India will be all we remember.
For now all around us are the greatest souvenirs of Brazil. A corner Brazilian market that we never noticed in our nearly nine months here in 2010, tiny quasi-Brazilian pixie haired babies, Boys that are so good and gentle with babies because that is how they were treated in their most formative years and tiny, Brazilian jelly sandals that finally fit.