Elise had a photo shoot the afternoon of June 8. She was gone that afternoon, at the Citadel downtown with a family. The kids were playing quietly in the den. It was a Friday afternoon, early evening. I casually picked up my iPhone as I do too often when I saw the news.
Kate Spade had ended her own life only two weeks before. I admit to not feeling much when she passed. I know it sounds callous to say, but when a celebrity passes I usually don't feel much. I mean, I didn't know them personally. It seems to me a lot of people make a big deal when someone famous passes. When I was working in Washington, a woman from my office was devastated...hysterical...when Prince died. I know a lot of people were also very upset when Robin Williams and Carrie Fisher died. I liked Star Wars just as much as the next person, but I don't remember ever feeling particularly close to Carrie Fischer because of it. I know that sounds terrible to say, but I didn't really know these people other than watching them on TV, seeing them at the movies, or listening to them on the radio.
When Elise told me about Kate Spade, even though I could tell it affected her, I couldn't relate at all, and I remember wondering if there was a famous person whose passing would affect me.
Now, I know.
Elise and I used to experience what we called, "Anthony Bourdain moments". Fleeting moments in time when we were completely unanchored from anything familiar, when we had completely and utterly let go of all preconceived notions and immersed ourselves into whatever foreign land we were in. I remember sitting at Libanus in Brasilia, a table on the crowded patio of the botequin, a giant bottle of Antartica sweating into a bucket of ice between Elsie and I, feasting on kibe, a traditionally Lebanese dish that is also now traditionally Brazilian in the same way tacos are Mexican and pizza is Italian and both are now traditionally American. Brazilians surrounded us, yet were completely oblivious to our presence, they talked and yelled and shouted and danced, the TVs perpetually tinted bright green from the enduring chlorophyll glow of a freshly-shorn soccer pitch.
In Mumbai, Elise and I wondered a short distance from our hotel. We stopped at a kebab stall completely mobbed by locals who were crawling over each other like ants trying to get into the mound. Cars pulled up in the street, under the dull orange glow of 100 year-old street lights, dust congealed on the inside surface of the giant bulb, and eager busboys would spread out newspapers on the hood, then deliver kebabs wrapped in foil. The drivers, all by no accident male in tight white -t-shirts and slicked-back ebony hair, would eat right off the hoods of their cars. We didn't have a car, so I elbowed my way to the front just long enough to order a couple of kebabs we would take back to our hotel room and eat on our bed.
Anthony Bourdain did a lot of things, but one thing he hardly ever did was apologize. That's because he was always, always authentic. He was the original diplomat, a man who understood that the ultimate act of diplomacy requires recognizing our shared humanity. A friend described him as, "real and human and broken and complicated and he still believed in finding the best in us all. Anthony Bourdain turned war zones back into neighborhoods."
"If I'm an advocate for anything, it's to move. As far as you can, as much as you can. Across the ocean, or simply across the river. Walk in someone else's shoes or at least eat their food. It's a plus for everybody."
"Travel is about the gorgeous feeling of teetering in the unknown."
"As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life -- and travel -- leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks -- on your body or on your heart -- are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt."
"When dealing with complex transportation issues, the best thing to do is pull up with a cold beer and let somebody else figure it out."
"Skills can be taught. Character you either have or you don't have."
"I don't have to agree with you to like you or respect you." -- all Anthony Bourdain
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