It been a little quiet around here, and I don’t, at all mean
in our house.
Things were coming to a crescendo before we left for summer
vacation in Spokane, as they always do at the mid-point of one’s stay anywhere.
For most people, in my sometimes-jealous State Department haze, “halfway” isn’t
a milepost they pass knowingly, just a subtle chalky mark on the sidewalk of
their days. They may not even
notice halfway, they just cruise right on through it. Nothing really changes,
you’re just “halfway done,” with another similar half to finish: running races,
apartment leases, semesters and sandwiches.
That is naive of me, of course, people’s lives change
similarly to ours, but I’d argue, not with such calculated and graph-able
midpoints. Maybe it’s even, that we are made to become joyfully and all at once
brutally aware of our “halfway point."
Our halfway is often the peak of a difficult period of
acclimating or re-acclimating to a point of de-acclimating, turning from what should be a comfortable and now familiar
slide, into a slide on a very humid day: Bare legs gripping to the slide awkwardly when all gravity wants is to pull you down.
June just happened to be our halfway up. The halfway point
to our stay here in Oakwood, our repatriation, our time with our families and
our friends and those that fall into a category somewhere in the middle. It was the halfway of Paul’s time in
language, my time to shop for five people, to restock wardrobes from two years
out of the country for two years out of the country, to work with freedoms and
confidence that often don’t come easily in other countries. Our time to play on
beautiful playgrounds, with beautiful grass, in beautiful weather, to drive our
minivan (which we love to hate) to eat things we’ve missed and to eat things we
think we might miss. To complete goals that these heavy deadlines always impose.
It’s a lot and it certainly feels that way right now.
I heard it said somewhere that the most difficult period of
time in the lives of State-Department children are the times they return to the
US for just one year. I will say confidently, from my own experience, that it
isn’t just for the children that this particular length of time is hard.
I’ve moved both consciously and subconsciously from a mental
and physical state of settling our family, to unsettling our family, myself and
our physical belongings.
It catches me off guard and makes me feel off, sometimes
even dizzy, but it is the pull internally and mentally that must be done to
make one ready to say goodbye again when the time comes.
We’ve started talking more about India. I think. I actually
don’t recall speaking about it more, but the kids have begun to talk more about
it, so I figure they get it from us.
All of the “air flights” of the Lego 747, that used to go to
“Brasilia East-West International Airport,” “Washington DC East-West
International airport,” and “Cheney International Airport” (Which, for your
information, does not and likely will not ever exist) to “The long-long flight
to India International East-West Airport.”
Sam has begun to draw pictures of “Indian Princesses” who
decorate the walls of their waterfall-encased castles, with framed portraits of
“Indian Princes.” They wear red dots and jewels on their heads, none of
which I recall them seeing or knowing anything about. He claims he never knew yoga came from
India, but that that notion is “very interesting.” He wants to do more yoga.
Pete needs to know whether our flight will be a "long-long flight" or just a "long flight." Will it be on a
"long-long flight plane" or just a "long flight plane?"
Clem just says "no" a lot, but it is her favorite word, so we aren't really worried.
Just like always, they ask “How long until we leave for
India?” and until just the other night we’ve responded “Not for a long-long time.”
Until I started to tell them, “It’s getting close” which ended up being a huge
mistake, because kid time does not equal real time. 100 days is tomorrow. So Paul and
I found ourselves making a pact at dinner the other night that we continue to
tell them that we don’t leave for a long time and when we get about 30 days out,
we’ll make a countdown that will be more tangible. That sounds like a good idea, for now.
It isn’t that we are trying to keep anything from the kids,
their feelings and preparedness, is always the largest parts of our hearts,
but we’re making this up as we go, just like parents always do. We’re making
rules and breaking them to make new ones that work better and all in the midst
of our own uncertainty. Not everything we do will be right, but it will be done
with the kids in the very forefront of our decisions.
When I begin to get
overwhelmed at the amount I have to do in preparation for our departure in
November, I try to turn myself into one of the kids; I throw “To Do” lists in the trash and we go to
the zoo, because tomorrow is hundred days away and it will certainly be a better day to worry
about India.
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