Six Months to Freedom

Six months ago, I would have told you I wished I wasn't where I am right now. And six months before that? Same story. And six more months? Same deal. For the past eight years you would have and have heard the same plan from me. I'd have told you I'd be long gone from this place...this hot, stuffy and unfriendly wasteland. I'd have told you I'll never be happy here and that I can't go on living like this.

Some days I still can't.

Sometimes we think things can only get better, and in some ways they will, but we are not so naive to think they couldn't also get worse.

I know there is a reason, the same reason my Mom keeps reminding me that we are still here, that we have not sold our house and that we haven't packed a U-haul to head closer to the west, to ease the strain on my heart, the reason that we go on, here.

Things are not always peaches and cream, jobs don't always pay what we wish they would and people aren't always as friendly as we expect them to be. I know there is a greater plan for us than this one we so desperately continue to sketch..erase....resketch. I keep waiting for that moment when I realize what *the* reason is, but recently I've realized that I'm living it and that is exactly what I should be doing, here or there... wherever that may be.

Meanwhile, I play on the floor with my family, we read books, take long walks, spend quiet afternoons at the pool, and long mornings at Starbucks, just the three of us. We sing and dance and cook together, we have traditions. Yes in just 3 years, in just 17 months, we have our own traditions. These are the things that matter, these things are all part of "the plan."

Do we still hope to leave here? Yes. Do we know where we'll end up? No. Do we know that we can make it anywhere? Damn right. Do we think we could ever do it without each other? No way. Together, this threesome of mine can do anything. We can go anywhere, and we will, but it will be on it's own time, and to it's own place. Until then, we'll be here. We'll make the best of excruciatingly hot summers, bad drivers, failed deals and a thousand more showings. We'll scrape by on ingenuity, passion and love and we'll still be standing at the end of a road, when the dust clears.... and we'll all still be holding hands.



elise